You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed about or apologize for. That so called man took a young, intelligent, beautiful soul and thought he could manipulate you into his perfect puppet wife. And start another family, because he obviously screwed up the 1st time. Living your best life now is your right, and by bringing honest discussions about abuse out in the open you are performing a needed public service.
You have always been a bright light, bringing humor and perspective as you shared your life as a suburban mom, always totally relatable. You are continuing to let us into your life, and I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is, but your bright light still shines even through this darkness. Thank you for sharing and I wish i could give you a hug through the screen. You are doing amazing work and I just hope you know how much you are supported by people who have never met you, but appreciate who you are, just the same.
The vulnerability is a gift, even though I know it must feel so, so scary. Sending you love and hugs. Honestly, you are doing heroine's work and may it bring only light and love your way. We are all here for you.
A couple of additional things....That video, shot in what I presume is YOUR home.....That YOU bought all by yourself. I cannot imagine the feeling you had when you closed the door behind you for the first time, and the sense if safety that it gives you now.
Also, you are working with a therapist. There is very, very promising research about psychedelic therapy and complex PTSD.....Just an idea to explore if you like.
The house has been a HUGE part of my healing -- I really didn't come out of survivor mode until I was here and had things how I wanted them. This house is the first place besides my grandparents' house that I've truly felt safe, and it's been unexpectedly significant.
And I will look into psychedelic therapy. I'm interested in all those kinds of things right now. I've discovered the main quality in all my close friends is that they're actively working on themselves in some way and plan to for life, so it's been a great environment for healing and moving forward as they've shared what has worked for them.
This is YOUR story, and the telling of it should be on YOUR timetable. Trust that it will reach the people who need to read it when the time is right for both the truth-teller and the listener. Every piece of your story is manna from heaven for someone. Sustenance. If it drops sooner, or later, maybe that might not match the best-of-all timeline, if that makes sense.
Sometimes in conversation, I will go down a rabbit trail (or sometimes, like Alice, a rabbit *hole*!). I have found myself talking to someone I don't even know very well, and suddenly I am sharing a long-ago assault and period of stalking, which I legit rarely think about anymore.
And then it happens. Words tumble from the other person, and a deeply buried hurt spills out. Several times, I was the first person they'd ever told. God was in the details, I'm sure, but often it was just a moment borne of vulnerable disclosure begeting vulnerable disclosure.
And walls tumbled down, with dusty bricked-up staleness giving way to a sweet rush of fresh air.
I see you on a similar path. You've spent so many years doubting and lacking trust in yourself, that it's easy to believe each new step forward might land wrong. It's easy to feel like you're going to mess up or let someone down. As the English say, "Stuff and nonsense!". You're doing fine.
Putting some external clock on how quickly you should tell each part of your story may seem natural to a talented professional journalist who has been accustomed to working on a deadline.
This isn't that.
It's a new thing that deserves it's own "rules" and timing. In fact, you get to determine both things. Be as gentle with yourself as you'd be with a treasured friend. Give yourself grace. The story comes as it comes, and people will see it, and hear it, and feel it all in good time. It will be a light and a blessing to many.
Remember that needs to include you, too. This is a beautiful work. Bless yourself with the gift of telling it in a way that honors your needs, too, as the storyteller.
Thank you, Cathy! I have had the same experience over the last two years - I found myself telling my experience to people I hardly knew, and they would almost always respond with their own really personal stories. I became close to several people really quickly that way. I thought it was such a sweet, unexpected experience of sharing.
I think that the need I feel to share everything relatively quickly is me personally wanting to get it out so that I can move forward and not wallow in it -- because while the things I still have to write about remain unwritten, they're weighing really heavily on me. I really appreciate your thoughtful advice. I definitely don't want to put additional pressure on myself throughout this process and it's good to have these reminders.
Sending as much love and support as I can through the ether! You are such a wonderful, brilliant, person, one of the best parents I have ever learned from, and one of the most interesting people, too. Thank you for sharing your truth for the benefit of us all.
I'll hang with you any day, sister! And by 'any day' I mean any time I can cram it in between driving my 16yo to wrestling practice and tournaments all.the.damn.time. Keep telling your story and take up the space in the world you were always meant to have.
Well, now I'm crying. Again. 😂 Thank you so much. Your support has meant so much. I know I can do this. I guess those last vestiges of shame and fear are just really clinging tight.
You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed about or apologize for. That so called man took a young, intelligent, beautiful soul and thought he could manipulate you into his perfect puppet wife. And start another family, because he obviously screwed up the 1st time. Living your best life now is your right, and by bringing honest discussions about abuse out in the open you are performing a needed public service.
You have always been a bright light, bringing humor and perspective as you shared your life as a suburban mom, always totally relatable. You are continuing to let us into your life, and I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is, but your bright light still shines even through this darkness. Thank you for sharing and I wish i could give you a hug through the screen. You are doing amazing work and I just hope you know how much you are supported by people who have never met you, but appreciate who you are, just the same.
Thank you so much, Daisy. ❤️
The vulnerability is a gift, even though I know it must feel so, so scary. Sending you love and hugs. Honestly, you are doing heroine's work and may it bring only light and love your way. We are all here for you.
Thank you, Stacy. ❤️ I hope our paths cross again at some point.
A couple of additional things....That video, shot in what I presume is YOUR home.....That YOU bought all by yourself. I cannot imagine the feeling you had when you closed the door behind you for the first time, and the sense if safety that it gives you now.
Also, you are working with a therapist. There is very, very promising research about psychedelic therapy and complex PTSD.....Just an idea to explore if you like.
The house has been a HUGE part of my healing -- I really didn't come out of survivor mode until I was here and had things how I wanted them. This house is the first place besides my grandparents' house that I've truly felt safe, and it's been unexpectedly significant.
And I will look into psychedelic therapy. I'm interested in all those kinds of things right now. I've discovered the main quality in all my close friends is that they're actively working on themselves in some way and plan to for life, so it's been a great environment for healing and moving forward as they've shared what has worked for them.
Speak your truth. Feel your feelings. I believe you. It's not your fault. The only person who should feel shame is the abuser. 🩷🩷🩷
🤍🤍 gods strength is made perfect in us when we are weak. Thank you so much for sharing
Thank you for being so brave!
Oh my goodness, honey.
You. Take. Your. Time.
This is YOUR story, and the telling of it should be on YOUR timetable. Trust that it will reach the people who need to read it when the time is right for both the truth-teller and the listener. Every piece of your story is manna from heaven for someone. Sustenance. If it drops sooner, or later, maybe that might not match the best-of-all timeline, if that makes sense.
Sometimes in conversation, I will go down a rabbit trail (or sometimes, like Alice, a rabbit *hole*!). I have found myself talking to someone I don't even know very well, and suddenly I am sharing a long-ago assault and period of stalking, which I legit rarely think about anymore.
And then it happens. Words tumble from the other person, and a deeply buried hurt spills out. Several times, I was the first person they'd ever told. God was in the details, I'm sure, but often it was just a moment borne of vulnerable disclosure begeting vulnerable disclosure.
And walls tumbled down, with dusty bricked-up staleness giving way to a sweet rush of fresh air.
I see you on a similar path. You've spent so many years doubting and lacking trust in yourself, that it's easy to believe each new step forward might land wrong. It's easy to feel like you're going to mess up or let someone down. As the English say, "Stuff and nonsense!". You're doing fine.
Putting some external clock on how quickly you should tell each part of your story may seem natural to a talented professional journalist who has been accustomed to working on a deadline.
This isn't that.
It's a new thing that deserves it's own "rules" and timing. In fact, you get to determine both things. Be as gentle with yourself as you'd be with a treasured friend. Give yourself grace. The story comes as it comes, and people will see it, and hear it, and feel it all in good time. It will be a light and a blessing to many.
Remember that needs to include you, too. This is a beautiful work. Bless yourself with the gift of telling it in a way that honors your needs, too, as the storyteller.
Thank you, Cathy! I have had the same experience over the last two years - I found myself telling my experience to people I hardly knew, and they would almost always respond with their own really personal stories. I became close to several people really quickly that way. I thought it was such a sweet, unexpected experience of sharing.
I think that the need I feel to share everything relatively quickly is me personally wanting to get it out so that I can move forward and not wallow in it -- because while the things I still have to write about remain unwritten, they're weighing really heavily on me. I really appreciate your thoughtful advice. I definitely don't want to put additional pressure on myself throughout this process and it's good to have these reminders.
Thank you for being brave.
Sending as much love and support as I can through the ether! You are such a wonderful, brilliant, person, one of the best parents I have ever learned from, and one of the most interesting people, too. Thank you for sharing your truth for the benefit of us all.
Thank you for this, Kathy. You have always been so supportive and I really appreciate that. ❤️
I'll hang with you any day, sister! And by 'any day' I mean any time I can cram it in between driving my 16yo to wrestling practice and tournaments all.the.damn.time. Keep telling your story and take up the space in the world you were always meant to have.
Also, super cute jeans!
Ha ha, thank you! I love those jeans, too. And thank you for the offer to hang out. :)
Darn it, I am crying in a classroom. Literally. My husband just asked me if I'm okay. In front of 30 sophomores. (Hopefully that will make you laugh!)
I can't speak for anyone else, but I am here for you, no matter what. If I could, I'd hold one of your hands while you type with the other.
Well, now I'm crying. Again. 😂 Thank you so much. Your support has meant so much. I know I can do this. I guess those last vestiges of shame and fear are just really clinging tight.